Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
