i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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