the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
