I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
