We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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