hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
