Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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