just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
