it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
