I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
