You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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