I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The adults are the big ones right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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