Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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