I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
