your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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