he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
