paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You need a sexual gate keeper
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
