We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
