Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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