omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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