We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
