My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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