before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
