you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
