You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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