i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
