My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
