You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am mentally ready for anal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
