Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was confusing and full of hummus
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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