Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
