I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
