The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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