Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
