You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
