We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
