Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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