smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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