I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
