Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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