You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
