if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
