The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
