I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
