I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
