The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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