I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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