omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
