My nipple is on Facebook.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
