hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
