the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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