the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
