you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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