It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
