She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
