I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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