bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
