My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
