My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
