Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
