thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
